


Our Heaven's Worth the Waiting

by Kissa



Category: Shadowhunters (TV)
Genre: Bisexual Jace Wayland, Bottom Alec Lightwood, Boys In Love, First Time, Getting Together, Love Confessions, M/M, Parabatai, Parabatai Bond, Top Jace Wayland
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-10-27
Updated: 2020-10-27
Packaged: 2021-03-09 02:53:20
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,905
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/27227629
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Kissa/pseuds/Kissa
Summary: Alec wants to know why it took Jace so long to sort his feelings for him and confess.
Relationships: Alec Lightwood & Isabelle Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood & Jace Wayland, Alec Lightwood/Jace Wayland
Comments: 6
Kudos: 48





	Our Heaven's Worth the Waiting

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Nadja_Lee](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Nadja_Lee/gifts).



Alec can still feel the ghost of the kiss on his lips.   
  
It was glorious. Way better than he expected or imagined.   
  
And the way it happened was the stuff of dreams.   
  
He and Jace had been sparring. First with swords and axes, then with boxing gloves. But at some point Jace had turned the session into a game of “catch me if you can”. The boxing gloves had been discarded at the entrance to the gym and the boys chased each other through the old halls and corridors of the Institute, until they got to the inner courtyard, where they continued to fight each other with just the protective wrappings on their hands.   
  
Jace had again used that power he had, which Alec couldn’t ever trace where he got it from, and had flung Alec into one of the columns lining the perimeter of the yard.   
  
Alec had ducked the incoming blow by oozing onto the other side of the column, in the darkness of the corridor going along the yard, and the next thing he had seen was Jace’s warm, amused expression.   
  
Then Jace had kissed him, soft, dry, warm, demanding, their sweaty chests now touching as Jace brought his hands up, one to bury itself in Alec’s damp hair and the other to rest on the tendon connecting Alec’s neck and shoulder.   
  
Alec had made a small, helpless sound, like a mewl. He wasn’t proud of it, but he’d wanted that kiss for so long and now that it had happened, it had been too short. And worries about Jace just using him for fun or to play a nasty power game with him poured in.   
  
But instead of pushing Jace away, he had pulled him close, his arms wrapping around Jace with the hands resting on Jace’s butt.   
  
Jace had gotten the memo and had kissed him again. This time, more persistent, more invasive - his tongue had claimed Alec’s mouth with expert precision, he had sucked Alec’s lower lip in between his own and released it with a bite. And he had pressed a thigh between Alec’s legs, which had led to Alec growing hard in record time even for his horny young self.   
  
And Alec had run away as soon as Jace had freed him to do so, feeling his cheeks burn.   
  
He sat on the floor at the foot of his bed, observing his heart beating erratically in his chest and knowing Jace’s was beating exactly the same. Right now he didn’t care about that, but about the fact that getting what he had fantasised about for so long had thrust him into a new Hell - of knowing what he had been missing out on and what he will forever be denied.   
  
There was no way Jace loved him back and wanted him the same way Alec did. Jace was confident, and beautiful, and the best - he could have anyone! He would not choose his awkward, shy and virgin parabatai! Jace knew very well he had Alec in every way he wanted.   
  
And if Alec was honest with himself, it didn’t matter if Jace only wanted to start things with him out of curiosity or simply from the cruel need to mess with him. He was ashamed to admit it even to himself, but he would take anything Jace wanted to give.   
  
If his kiss felt so divine, anything more and Alec would surely die. But at least, he would die a happy man.   
  
He hadn’t locked his room, but he was still surprised when the door opened and Jace stood in the frame.   
  
“May I come in?” Jace asked.   
  
Alec noticed Jace was flushed and panting, trying to get his breathing under control. He nodded, looking up at Jace.   
  
His mouth went dry and he wondered if this is what flies felt when they got caught in the spider’s sticky web.   
  
Jace’s track bottoms were slouching low on his hips and he was glistening with sweat from their previous sparring. His hair was soaked too, strands falling from his usually perfectly gelled back style and hiding the right side of his face. 

“Open me?” Jace asked casually, making Alec’s mind go die in the gutter it usually only visited when it was night and there was no risk of anyone coming to see what Alec did under his covers.   
  
He meant the protective tape around his hands, obviously.   
  
Alec caught himself staring and unglitched himself, turning towards Jace, who helpfully came to sit next to him on the floor.   
  
“You didn’t come only for this.” Alec said, feeling bold all of a sudden. If he was going to die of embarrassment, Jace should have to sweat too, at least a little bit. 

“Usually people I kiss don’t run for their lives.” Jace gave back.   
  
“Why did you do it, Jace?” Alec asked. “Why now? Is it because the High Warlock asked me out?”   
  
“Hold up, he did?”   
  
“Yeah, when you were out ingredients-shopping with Simon.”   
  
“And?”   
  
“I’m busy. And I don’t drink.” Alec said.   
  
He did plan to go. Just… not soon.   
  
“Too bad. The High Warlock could show you a really good time. And he’d probably take you to really nice places.” Jace said.   
  
Now that Jace didn’t show the least bit of jealousy, the idea didn’t sound so awesome anymore.   
  
“Look, don’t derail. I asked you two questions.” Alec pointed out.   
  
Jace took a deep breath before he spoke.   
  
“I needed time. I should have done it the first time I felt like it.” Jace admitted. “But I wanted to make sure it wasn’t just a phase, or my being a self-absorbed prick. And I wanted to break up with all my Seelie girlfriends first. It wouldn’t be fair to offer you like, ten percent of me. And why now? After the memory demon incident… I thought, oops Alec is being a prime diva again, so what if he loves me, I love him too, and I was fine with everyone seeing you were my most beloved memory because obviously the demon didn’t do flavours of love. I thought you just freaked out, and it was cool. But then you apologised for loving me and… it cracked me right open. And the way you looked while you said those words… like you were hoping I would figure it out, but had already come to terms with knowing I wouldn’t… Alec, it made me realise for how long you carried this secret on your own. I felt like a moron for not coming to you sooner. I just… wasn’t sure how this fit into everything else. I’m supposed to be straight? But then Hodge told us Magnus loved Camille, and Magnus said he fucked Michelangelo… so obviously it’s not an either/or situation.”   
  
“Did you always find other guys hot?” Alec asked, trying to make sense of what Jace was telling him.   
  
“I can tell when they are hot, I have eyes and a pulse.” Jace said. “I can tell Meliorn is hot. And Hodge. But my better judgment tells me those rocks are better left unturned. And it’s not the same. No one, male or female, steals my breath and makes me forget my words like you do. But you also make me feel safe. And I don’t mean by that that you’re easy, or convenient. I mean that I know you know me, so if you love me, you love me with all the nasty stuff too.”   
  
“There’s nothing nasty about you, Jace.” Alec said. “The shit that was done to you is not your fault. And then the other stuff… it’s just ways of coping. You know I have mine too.”   
  
“That’s another thing. I am scared I can’t be a good boyfriend. I don’t know how. I know I love you, but how do I make you feel it, every minute of every day? How do I help you with stuff you struggle with when I’m not smart enough to come up with the solutions to those things?”   
  
“Is that why you’ve never been in a real relationship? Because you’re afraid you can’t love?” Alec asked, turning towards Jace fully and hugging him. “You can and do love. I’ve felt it before. I think we need to figure stuff out together. Not like there’s books out there for us. And I definitely don’t think we should apply the girl stuff to us. I don’t care for dressy dinner dates and romantic stuff and spending money to impress someone.”   
  
“Good, because I’m also broke, as you know. Although… now that I’m not dating twenty Seelie noblewomen at once, maybe I won’t be so broke.”   
  
“Twenty?! Jace, that’s… legion! How did you find the time?” Alec got distracted again. He couldn’t figure out how to have one boyfriend and Jace was talking double digits?!   
  
“It was more of a… club thing? They all knew about one another. And, uh, I wasn’t the one performing every time. Or doing the work. But I’ll spare you the graphic details. It was going nowhere fast anyway.”   
  
“I was only curious because I was trying to find out if you know what to do. Because I, as you know, don’t.” Alec said. “And if you’re still asking, yes, I do want to be yours. And I want you to be mine. Not just parabatai, I mean.” He blushed, hoping he had made himself clear enough.   
  
Jace’s face lit up like he’d been given a very rare and expensive gift.   
  
He almost told Alec not to worry, but now that seemed insensitive. Alec was a person who worried and from his worries, strategies and solutions were born. And worry was normal when faced with something unknown and daunting.   
  
“I do know what to do, mostly.” Jace said. “Right now I’d just like to kiss you some more, see where that takes us.”   
  
“But… shouldn’t we shower? I’m gross from working out.” Alec questioned.   
  
“You smell good enough to eat, to me. We can shower later.” Jace assured him, closing his lips on Alec’s collarbone and sucking gently on that spot, smiling at the gasp it earned him from Alec. He wasn’t lying, he did find Alec’s own scent enticing and now he found his parabatai’s slightly sweaty skin tasted good too. He couldn’t help but wonder about tasting other things on Alec, but he told himself to be patient. All in due time.   
  
For now, he decided to only be a little bit wicked and make Alec squirm for a while.   
  
“Look. I’m going to rune the room. But you have to be very quiet. Quiet like a mouse. If one of our parents or Hodge hear any suspicious noise it’s all over before it begins. Understood?” He said, nipping at Alec’s lips.   
Alec nodded and watched Jace get up and do exactly as he had said, then go lie down in the middle of Alec’s bed, beckoning him close. He followed, and Jace started undressing him as soon as they were side by side, peeling the pants and underwear off of him slowly.   
  
Alec told himself no sounds, even though he wanted to gasp and curse and tell Jace his hands on his skin felt incredible. For lack of other options, he opened his side of the bond to let Jace feel what his touches did.   
  
Jace opened his side of the bond too and let Alec feel the desire and love he had been carefully guarding for years. He undressed himself quickly too, then returned close to Alec, sliding a thigh between Alec’s legs as he resumed kissing his parabatai.   
  
Alec kissed with a force that betrayed his long-repressed hunger. It felt as though, now that it was allowed, he was trying to devour as much of Jace as he could get to. His hands were roaming Jace’s skin, from the shorn hairs at the back of his head, down over his muscular back, all the way to his ass. His fingers were digging into the flesh of Jace’s glutes, squeezing and releasing, as though he was looking for ways to take all of Jace into himself.   
  
He forgot all about what he thought was dignity and propriety - not that he ever had any trace of those when it came to Jace anyway - and started to grind up against the thigh Jace had wedged between his legs. He was sure he could get himself off like this, if Jace let him.   
  
Jace seemed to have a different agenda, seemingly intent on marking all of Alec as his with little bites he then sucked sharply on, until they darkened with blood he brought right beneath the surface of the skin.   
  
When Jace’s lips closed around one of his nipples and started sucking, soon joined by Jace’s tongue, Alec felt himself leave a trail of precome on Jace’s thigh. He wanted nothing more than to mewl and moan his pleasure out, but he couldn’t, so he squirmed and sought Jace’s eyes, hoping Jace could read on his features what he could not express with his voice.   
  
He felt like, if they were going to go on like this for too long, he would lose what little sense he had, so he reached under one of his pillows and retrieved a small tube with purple lube, hoping his request was clear enough.   
  
Jace raised an eyebrow, quietly asking if Alec was sure.   
  
Alec nodded and squirmed against Jace, biting his lower lip.   
  
“You can talk, you know. Just keep it low.” Jace said, popping the cap open. “Let me know if anything hurts. It might sting a bit anyway, but I’ll go slowly.” 

Alec had tried some things on his own (hence why he had lube in the first place), but he had been too impatient and the results had underwhelmed him. He did think though, that if one kept at it, eventually the pain and discomfort would change into pleasure. Somehow. Maybe Jace knew something he didn’t.   
  
He braced himself for the burning sensation, but it never came. Jace seemed more interested in gently rubbing two lubed fingers over his entrance, spreading the lube over it and now and then letting a fingertip rest on the entrance itself. That was actually pleasant, and Alec relaxed against it, looking at Jace with his eyebrows raised in disbelief. He had expected worse, much worse.   
  
Jace left the tube close by and focused on keeping Alec busy elsewhere, sucking a new dark spot on Alec’s neck, right in the middle of his Deflect rune, then going lower and resuming his earlier attentions on Alec’s nipples, which made Alec squirm needily. His body relaxed under the many pleasant sensations Jace was awakening in it, easily taking a finger in without it burning or hurting at all. 

“Do we have to do all this?” Alec asked, feeling his cheeks burn. He felt exposed and vulnerable, and even though he trusted Jace, he still wondered if this much preparation was really necessary. Jace had slowly eased him up to three fingers and the mere thought of that made Alec blush further. He wondered why Jace was so against just using a little lube, pushing in and fucking him, then healing any damage he may cause. Jace was not usually one to shy away from pain, both getting and dealing it. “It doesn’t need to be portal-sized.”

Jace couldn’t help but burst into laughter at the mental image and at how petulant Alec sounded.   
  
“This is not just for your sake, alright?” Jace chided. “You’ll see why it was needed soon enough.”

He added more lube to the fingers he had inside Alec, angling them like Kaelie had shown him, looking for that slightly spongy spot inside Alec. He knew he’d found it when Alec went wide-eyed and covered his mouth with both hands to keep from keening loudly.   
  
“Found it.” Jace announced smugly, taking a few more moments to massage Alec’s walls and make sure they were as coated in lube as possible, before slicking himself up to replace his fingers inside his parabatai with his cock. He nudged Alec into a reclining pose, pushing one of his legs forward and coming up to lie down right behind Alec. This way he could hold him and kiss him without them straining themselves too much.   
  
Jace first nudged Alec’s entrance with the tip, pushing in slowly, loving the feel of the muscle giving way and letting him in.   
  
“Angel, Alec, you feel so good. So tight. And hot. Does it hurt?” Jace whispered, peppering kisses onto Alec’s shoulder that was in front of him.   
  
“A bit, but it’s going away fast. More, please?”   
  
Jace couldn’t believe how good it felt to be inside Alec, and he was only halfway in by now, the tight walls clamped down hard around him. He slowly slid all the way in, until his hips rested flush against Alec’s ass, earning a drawn out moan from Alec, who looked over his shoulder only to see Jace’s features in an expression of deep focus.   
  
For the next few moments, Jace froze, even his breathing becoming shallow, for fear he might spill himself as soon as he moved. Alec was so tight and so insanely hot around him, the pressure was exquisite and the thought of him now being Jace-shaped in there was doing things to his parabatai, who was struggling to regain control.   
  
Jace distracted himself with leaving a trail of small kisses down Alec’s arm, also biting at the nape of his neck, where the most prominent vertebra poked the most visibly out under the skin. Jace loved that spot on Alec and over time he had sort of fixated on it, his eyes always going to it even when they had important meetings in the war room and his mind wondering if the skin there would feel as soft between his teeth as it looked.   
  
Now he was testing his theory, his lips and tongue coming to soothe the little bites he’d left there. 

Alec made the smallest little mewls, muffled in his hands, while trying to wriggle against Jace and incite him to move.   
  
Eventually, Jace felt like it was safe to move without embarrassing himself and he slid halfway out, slamming back in. Alec was still so unbelievably tight around him and it messed with his focus, but now he felt like he could catch himself in time. He gave a few shallow, tentative thrusts until Alec let him know, with a full body shiver and a muffled wail, that he had found his spot.   
  
Jace set a fast rhythm to his movements, the arm he had around Alec going over Alec’s chest and pulling him backwards. His free hand snuck over Alec’s hip and grasped his so far neglected erection, starting to stroke it along with his moving in and out. Soon, he felt precome slick his fist and he tightened his grip. The sounds of their bodies moving against each other were loud in the silence of the room, but they turned Jace on.   
  
Alec seemed lost to all the sensations he was feeling, eyes closed, lips bitten, moaning softly every time Jace filled him to the hilt. 

Since Jace was rubbing over his spot on every in- and outward move, it didn’t take long to get Alec to the edge.

“C-hhh-close.” He said, turning his head to look back at Jace. The soft, adoring look he saw on Jace’s face was the purest, most beautiful thing he’d ever laid eyes on and he reached for Jace, who got the hint and leaned down, meeting him halfway for a kiss, loving and deep. 

Jace felt Alec’s release in their bond first and he slowed his movements, but Alec brought one of his hands to cover the one Jace had on his cock.   
  
“Please, come inside me?” Alec whispered. “Keep going, I want to feel it.”   
  
Their bond lay open between them, Alec’s pleasure and lazy contentment spreading over to Jace, slowly. Before it could reach him and put a delay on his own pleasure, Jace allowed himself to let go of control. It took him three more thrusts to spill himself inside Alec, staying buried deep inside him and biting into that spot he loved at Alec’s nape. 

Slowly, Jace pulled out with a wince, not expecting the feeling of deep sadness that took over him as soon as he and Alec were no longer joined. He closed his eyes against the feeling, willing it away and blindly seeking Alec’s closeness again, pulling him into his arms. 

Alec himself did not fare any better and he had to fight back tears as he turned around to hide his face in Jace’s chest.

“Did you like it?” Jace asked, feeling oddly shy now.  
  
“I knew it would be great, I just… I was in such a hurry and I don’t know why. I guess I wanted it to be great and I wanted to be sure there was no time for me to mess it up.”   
  
“Alec… there’s no way you could have messed it up. Besides, it only ever gets better after the first try.”   
  
“Better? And I’m supposed to survive this… how?”   
  
Jace laughed and tilted Alec’s chin up so he could look into his eyes and kiss him.   
  
“Well, you have to find a way. There’s so much I want to show you and to feel with you.”   
  
It wasn’t long until Alec returned to his usual, worrying self.   
  
“It’s going to be hard for us to be together in secret. I don’t want anything to happen to you because of me, but do you think we’ll manage not to give ourselves away?”   
  
“Izzy will be able to tell regardless, but she won’t sell us out. As for the rest, we’ll have to be careful, but we’ll manage. People only see what they want to see.” Jace said, confident.   
  
***   
  
Later that night, after a mission and a strategy planning meeting for the next day, Alec and Jace went to their separate rooms to get ready for bed. But once everyone had gone to sleep or was headed that way, Jace was seen going downstairs to where Alec and Izzy’s rooms were, wearing cute Labrador pyjamas and slippers.   
  
“Where do you think you’re going?” Maryse stopped him, a bit thrown off by what he had on. Jace usually slept naked and she knew that because she’d been faced with the evidence on the few occasions she’d had to wake him for an emergency.   
  
“Alec’s room. My nightmares got really bad and I need my parabatai so I can sleep.”   
  
“Then by all means, you do need your rest. Night night, Jace!” Maryse said, kissing his forehead and watching him slip into Alec’s room.   
  
Of course, the fact that Alec’s rest would be affected was secondary, as long as the best Shadowhunter in her Institute was getting his eight hours undisturbed.   
  
“Who were you talking to in the hallway?” Alec asked when Jace came in. “And what are you wearing?”   
  
“Maryse. And our alibi. As far as she is concerned, I came to prey on your calming abilities via the bond so I can rest. And no one, not even me, is getting any action wearing these pyjamas.”   
  
“How about if I take them off?” Alec asked, putting the book he had been reading away.   
  
(the end) 

**Author's Note:**

> If you enjoyed this fic, please leave a kudos and a comment. <3


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